When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
