dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
