would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
