Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
