Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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