that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
