my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
