He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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