I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My dick has a subreddit
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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