she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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