so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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