i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
