Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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