i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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