You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
