a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
