Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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