At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
