I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
