I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
