GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
