He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
