Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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