Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
