Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
