his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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