Someone shit on the floor
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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