If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
