How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
