I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
