Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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