Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
