Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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