I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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