Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
