Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize