there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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