i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
