ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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