I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
