Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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