The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
