Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
