I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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