Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I look better un-naked...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
