why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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