is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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