just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
