You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
