I forgot how hot balto sounded
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize