When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
this hospital has no fireball
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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