I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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