If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
