my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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