Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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