so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize