ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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