I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
