He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
