My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
