I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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