He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
