then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
PANTIES FOUND
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