shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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