The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
