I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
