I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
