Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
