You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
