Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
