Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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