worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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