I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
